Attack Of The Gizmos: Family Bonds Under Threat

<div class="section1"><div class="Normal">On the macro level, urban India is witnessing a phenomenal change in life-style. Calling it ‘progress'' would perhaps be too simplistic. But the fact is, the concept of ‘<span style="" font-style:="" italic="">Bharat Uday''</span> (India''s Progress) has meant that consumerism is a religion for the average upper middle class family.<br /><br />On the micro level, the word ‘family'' itself is being redefined.The very consumer gadgets that were meant to, perhaps, leave a family with more time for each other, are today, acting as walls. Togetherness, sharing and values, the bed-rock of the Indian family system are under attack, strangely, from cellphones, computers, TVs and even microwave ovens.<br /><br />Sangeeta Raina is truly representative of this trend.<br /><br />"For weeks together, I haven''t seen my parents faces," she admits, "I generally don''t get out of my room till 10 am and don''t come home till midnight," says this 20-year-old engineering student.<br /><br />"I have my own credit card, cell-phone, vehicle, friends and my own life. I am practically a boarder at home," she adds. Her story is becoming increasingly common in most upper-middle class households. It''s not rare to see earlyteens with their own bikes, mobiles, CD players, rooms and even separate TVs and fridges.<br /><br />"It''s unfair to keep my mother awake till I return home, so I bought myself a microwave with money I made from a summer job," says Prashant Karlekar, a first year MBA student, "My room has a separate entrance. I never have to share anything with my sister Neha. I always have my own things, as does she." Lalita Nahata, an insurance agent and mother of two teenagers is very aware of this increasing ‘islanding'' in the family. "When I was young, it was a rule to be home by dinner time. We would watch TV together and discuss everything from national politics to marriage proposals," she reminisces.<br /><br />"Today, my sons seem to have forgotten the umbilical chord that binds them with the family. They live in a separate world, where we have no entry. I don''t blame them. We have nothing in common - issues, feelings,music and hobbies are all different," she rues.<br /><br />"Last year, I finally bought two TV sets - one for my wife and one for children," says Sharadchandra Nahata, the head of the family, "If we can afford it, why not let each one have his own set?" he asks.<br /><br />Family counsellor Medha Puranik warns urban families about this typical city lifestyle: "When needs and attitudes differ so much, the web of relations goes for a toss."<br /><br />She elaborates, "Children become independent faster, as parents spend little time with them. If they are brought up heating their own meals, staying in the rooms and doing their own homework, you can''t expect them to be attached to the family."<br /><br />In an attempt to compensate for the time and love, parents rely more on money and material things. "Such upbringing generates the demand for personal space and individual preferences without approval from the family," adds Puranik.<br /><br />The Kulkarnis say they''ve found a solution to this crisis. "My husband Shirish is a Merchant Navy officer and is away from the home for months together," says Savita Kulkarni, a homeopathic doctor, "Realising that our daughter needed my attention, I decided to quit my medical practice."<br /><br />Even though the Kulkarni family has the resources, till date they haven''t gifted any expensive gadgets to their child. "We have always tried to give Radha quality time and deliberately teach her to adjust, share and accommodate everyone''s needs. As far as status symbols are concerned, she should earn them herself," says Savita.<br /><br />Medha Puranik agrees, saying, "If you try to minimise your kids interference in your individual life by letting them have all they want, they will naturally minimise your influence in their lives. Yes, individuality needs to be valued, but in the right context of the family." <br /><span style="" font-style:="" italic="">sharvari.joshi@timesgroup.com</span></div> </div>